Such Stuff as Dreams

Take your passion, and make it happen!

—lame old pop song

Joy and peace.

If there’s anything that grieves Your Uncle Jerry’s tender heart, it is the number of young persons who are led astray by believing in their dreams. Pay attention, Camper. Dreams are for bedtime. They are not roadmaps to happiness.

When a pop song, a fortune cookie, a coach, or a movie star says “follow your dream,” the wise young person will do what Your Uncle Jerry does. Deep knee bends repeatedly until you pass out.

Every young person should memorize the words of Fowler, wisest bird in the movie Chicken Run: “Madam, I am a chicken. The British Royal Air Force would never put a chicken behind the controls of an aeroplane!”

See how he did that? Fowler agrees with Uncle Jerry. The only benefit of high-flying dreams is that, sooner or later, they will introduce you to the firm reality of earth. Until you spread your wings, you'll never know how far you can walk.

Which is to say, my friend, you’re just not NBA material. You are not going to be on American Idol. And Hollywood, young person, is not going to give you a shot. Seriously, look at yourself.

Oh, yes, Uncle Jerry knows. You’re awesome. Your friends are awesome. Everybody’s awesome. Now listen up, Camper, I shall say this only once: you are a chicken. You are fat, ignorant, and your wings have been clipped. (It’s a metaphor. Get over it.) A chicken may DREAM all day long, but if you toss one in the air, they will not so much fly as plummet.

Does this mean you’re not awesome? Whatever. Awesomeness does not put a chicken behind the controls of a Learjet. You are probably an awesome chicken. Start there. Get passionate about your chickenhood. About how far you can walk. Later, let's talk about getting airborne.

In chapter ten, Molly begins to show the meaning of clipped wings to her evil Aunt Sonia.

Peace and joy.


  1. Reminding me that, if we are all special, then nobody is special.

  2. Uncle Jerry is such a wet blanket. My dreams include getting Uncle Jerry to bring me a glass of wine. Am I dreaming of flying, or is this a reasonable hope for a chicken like me?

  3. I am loving Molly and the Geezer--the comic irony is so perfect! You are wicked! Love you! gann

  4. not sure if i should cry or cluck.

    either way, I laughed. thanks for that.